How to Really Help a Struggling Alcoholic
The best way to help an alcoholic is through modifying your own behavior, not attempting to control theirs. This means that you should not attempt to control their behavior. Don’t make feeble pleas with them to miraculously stop drinking. Don’t scream at them or try to guilt them or get into a yelling match with them. None of these tactics work at all. At best these tactics fail outright. At worst they drive the alcoholic deeper into drinking and isolation. If you’ve made it to this breaking point then you’ll want to know how to help an alcoholic.
The first thing you need to know is that an alcoholic who tries to change for other people is not going to make it in recovery. What you must understand is that the choice has to be theirs. You and everyone else cannot make that decision for them. Not you, not a jail cell, not their parents, nobody.
The second idea for you to grasp is that this decision that will eventually be made by the alcoholic will be motivated by pain. Ultimately this is how it has to go. The alcoholic will finally decide that they have had enough pain and misery in their life and decide it is time for change. This is the only driving force that makes real change. You could promise them a life of paradise if they quit drinking and this will do nothing to motivate them. The motivation has to come from pain and fear and misery.
Given these two ideas, you should be able to see where this is going. The most critical concept in working with a struggling alcoholic is that you should not attempt to deprive them of their misery. The alcoholic is trapped in a cycle and experiencing pain and misery on a regular basis and your job is to step out of the way and let them endure that pain. For example, if a struggling alcoholic parties hard all weekend and then misses work, they could potentially get fired. Let them throw it away. Do not make a huge effort to correct their screw ups or help them avoid their own consequences. This is a piece of their misery and you should not take it away from them. Doing so will keep them drinking. Let them experience their pain and they might just sober up some day.This is potentially the most effective way to help an alcoholic.
